Peer Pressure - Poopy vs. Productive

We've had some excitement this past week at Maison Forrest. What you might call a teachable moment.

Daring Daughter has been in a Girl Scout troop for the past couple of years, and has enjoyed a variety of fun activities. When she went to the first meeting of the year last Wednesday, she was surprised to learn that the troop had shrunk from eight to five. Three of the girls had decided not to continue. As the meeting progressed, it became clear that the bossiness leadership tendencies previously exhibited by two of the remaining members were in hyperdrive mode. They expected the others to follow their decisions. When Daring Daughter expressed different views, she was subjected to the dreaded whisper and point subjugation technique.

Daring Daughter may not have yet studied the psychology of Groupthink, but she definitely favors individual rights. We're talking a big free speech advocate here. The cliquishness had previously been evident, but with a smaller group to coerce convince, the tyrants alpha females were running amuck strongly asserting themselves.

I've tried to pass on two good rules to live by, and my daughter applied them in this case.

1. You have to pick your fights. Yes, she could have struggled against this situation, but why bother? There are plenty of opportunities to be with people who are more agreeable and do interesting and worthwhile things.

2. If it's not fun, why do it? These immortal words on a Ben and Jerry's bumper sticker should guide us all. There's lots of fun to be had out there without having to endure meanness.

The upshot is that they won't have Daring Daughter to kick around anymore. She's planning some fun outings with other friends to the zoo, the museum, and a camping trip at the coast in a yurt. She is going to volunteer for the Stream Team, planting trees by creeks to help water quality. And she's started Broadway Musical Theatre for Kids at the local community center.

It's like my Mom always says, everything happens for a reason.

All of this is not to say that groups and peer pressure can't be applied for good. Take me, for example. I'm part of a gang that its founder describes as "an online fitness revolution started by peer pressure from fellow bloggers." Club HASAY (Half as Small as You) is open to any blogger who's trying to achieve a fitness goal. I love the different posts that members write about their efforts, and the encouragement and camaraderie that our posts elicit from each other. My fellow HASAYers emphasize gradual, healthy weight loss through eating better and being more active. That's the kind of groupthink I can support. There's no whispering and pointing, just lots of jokes and teasing, and "you can do it" comments. There are good ideas and motivating tips.

So my report for this month is that I have walked a wee bit outside with a friend, I went to the pool and walked against the current with Professor X, and I've conciously tried not to eat until I'm stuffed. Those may seem like little things, but they're big changes for me. We went up to Seattle last weekend, and ate at Buca di Beppo. In the past, we would have ordered a LOT more food. But I encouraged everyone to be satisfied with less. Super Son and Professor X could have eaten more and burned it off instantly with their mutant metabolisms, but Daring Daughter and I would have been in trouble. I think portions are really key. We can still have great food, but we need to downsize dramatically from our earlier evil ways. Daring Daughter is now old enough to use the community center's treadmill, exercycle, and elliptical machines. So we'll be headed there this afternoon and as many days as possible this fall and winter to work out.

And as we accomplish our fitness goals, if anyone wants to whisper and point at us, it's okay. We'll just assume they're saying "Wow! Look at how those two have shaped up!"

Club HASAY: I blame Vivien Leigh

As God is my witness they're not going to lick me.
I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again.
No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill,
as God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again.

The lovely Casey, fearless leader of Club HASAY, has reminded me that it is time once again to assess how I'm doing on my fitness goals. She is a real killjoy on my quest to attain Rubenesque proportions cruel taskmistress true friend to help me in this way.

So here's the scoop:

I don't think I've mentioned that I'm a real fan of Gone With the Wind before, have I?

The film was one of the first romantic stories I'd seen in my young life. What can I say - we didn't have classics like High School Musical back then. Besides, my mother had the hots for Clark Gable.

Who can forget the memorable quotes, like

You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how.

I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' babies!

The first, of course, is that scandalous Rhett Butler, followed by quite a smooch.
The second is that little liar, Prissy. Shame on her!

And then, there's this scene:



Being exposed to such sentiments at such an impressionable young age was devastating to my efforts to look like Twiggy. I suspect Twiggy was, in fact, often hungry.

This is my way to rationalize why I've not slimmed down. It is totally Vivien Leigh's fault.

Ponder this. How does that movie end? Scarlett murmurs to herself after Rhett has left "I'll think about it tomorrow.... After all... tomorrow is another day!" Delay tactics. Yes, we're all familiar with them, aren't we? I suppose ultimately, I should blame Margaret Mitchell. She put the words in Vivien's mouth.

Sometimes I'm haunted by the futility of it all. I've had two children. Maybe it's inevitable that I should be large and lumpy. Think about Mammy's words as she tries to lace up Scarlett's corset:

Miz Scarlett, you ain't never gonna be no eighteen-and-a-half inches again!

Mammy, portrayed by actress Hattie McDaniel, was reflecting on the glory days of Scarlett's teeny tiny waist, as shown earlier:

Ack. I was going through a box of old clothes from my high school days this past weekend (they were fun things I figured my daughter would enjoy for dress up games - I really wasn't planning to wear them myself, so shut up) when I thoughtlessly put one of the skirts in front of me to see just how much I'd grown.

No, that's not me. But it's how I felt.

I console myself that at least I don't sneak food. Remember, earlier, when Scarlett was getting ready for the barbecue, she was compelled to eat in her room so she wouldn't wolf down a bunch of food in front of the menfolk:

Prissy: Mammy, here's Miss Scarlet's vittles.
Scarlett: You can take it all back to the kitchen; I won't eat a bite.
Mammy: Yes'm you is, you's gonna eat every mouthful of this.
Scarlett: No... I'm... NOT.

No, siree, I eat everything openly. Yum, yum, yum. But I need to make better choices and really exercise. So today I'll be taking the young'uns to the fitness center with me to begin a routine of regular exercise. And I'm going grocery shopping right now to pick some healthy foods.

Because as fine a lady as Hattie McDaniel was, I don't want to be as voluptuous as she was.

Choice morsels

Time to share my progress or lack thereof in the battle of the bulge. This is part of my involvement in HASAY, a blogger's support group dedicated to good eating and fitness. I've not accomplished nearly as much as I'd hoped this past week in terms of eating less fattening food and getting more physical activity. But at least I'm not gaining. And I've introduced more whole grains into the house. And I did spend Wednesday evening at the swimming pool in an exercise class with Daring Daughter. Instead of a bunch of donuts or pastries, I bought some whole grain bagels, cream cheese and lox for us all. Healthy, right?

Part of my motivation comes from some clothes shopping I did with Daring Daughter. How depressing. I resemble the women in Dave King's Beach Scene. Except my calves and arms aren't nearly that skinny. Yeah....yuck. So one of my key purchases was a pair of really good walking shoes to replace the ones I've totally worn out. I'm determined to walk my butt off.

I have a long way to go, but it's all about making good choices, one at a time.