Friday, December 11, 2009

Travel to Another Dimension

I discovered this BRILLIANT mock floorplan over at SomaCow.
Check it out! Funny stuff!

I was in Ikea yesterday, looking for large picture frames to display some enlargements of photographs from Super Son's play in the lobby of the high school theatre.

The pictures were 16"x20".

I wanted to get 20" x 24" frames, so that there was a nice even border around them.

This was not rocket science.

Instead, I found several frames with bizarre fractional measurements and uneven matting. When I finally found a clerk trying to hide behind some boxes, he told me in a very superior sort of voice "Ikea is an international company. We use the metric system, which the rest of the world, except the United States, uses." Then he looked at me pityingly, like I was super lucky to be allowed into such a fabulous place, but so mentally deficient that I was unable to appreciate its fabulosity.

What I thought: Um...okay. But you're selling your stuff in the US, where we print enlargements in these nonmetric standard sizes, numbnuts.

What I said:

"So, doesn't Ikea think of compensating for the fact that they're doing business in an alternate dimension?"

I thought I was very clever.

He didn't get it. He just looked at me like I was being unbelievably dense.

What a numbnuts.

I know you are concerned about how I solved this problem. I went over to Michael's and discovered they were having a 50% off sale on the frames I needed (which were in precisely the right dimensions, Ikea dude!)

From now on, I'm only going to Ikea when I have a craving for their meatballs and lingonberry sauce. It's like going to Sweden without having to endure a multi-hour flight.


Shana said...

Shush it, you blasphemer. Ikea is my *happy place.*

Becky said...

That map is hilarious. "Wolves"!

And I have noticed their frames are in weird sizes. I didn't realize they were "metric."

Kathy Amen said...

As we are in the midst of trying to make some home furnishing decisions, I find your map very apt. In spite of the fact that San Antonio doesn't even *rate* an Ikea. It applies to any store entered by someone like me who really doesn't like to shop for anything.

kyooty said...

Come to Canada we have both measurements

lisleman said...

maybe told him you are a graphic artist (add some European accent) and only measure in pixels.
I'm NOT an Ikea expert - can you believe I've NEVER been in one and there's one only minutes away from here? Good to know where not to go for frames.

Miss Healthypants said...

I thought that was a clever comment you made, too; the guy was just an idiot.

I like Ikea, but I hate stupid or rude salespeople.

secret agent woman said...

I'd have trouble just geting past the googly eyed weird shit.